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I was asked to host a shower at the bride's parent's home. Do I include the Bride's parents on the invite?
I was asked to host a co-ed wedding shower for one of my best friends. After I began planning, the bride asked me if I would hold the party at her parent’s home. I already know that it’s a faux pa and that the mother of the bride shouldn’t hold a shower for her daughter because it looks like the family is asking for presents for themselves. I voiced my concerns and was shot down. The bride said it would mean a lot to her mother if she could have the shower at her home since the bride’s parents aren’t helping with the cost of the wedding. I reluctantly agreed. So here I am trying to draft up the invitations: Do I include the bride’s parents on the invitation as hosts since they were so adamant about having it in their home? Or should I say that the bridal party is hosting because it’s generally accepted to be rude for the bride’s family to throw her a shower?
It is OK to have the shower wherever you want it to be, even at the parents house. The Mom and Dad are not the hosts, you are. They are not paying for it, so everything is OK etiquette wise.
Yes, include the Mom and Dad on the invitation list, even if it is at their home. The invite will be a keepsake for them. Save a stamp and give it to them, if you wish.
And yes, you do the inviting on the invitation. If you are sharing costs with the rest of the bridal party, then their names go on the invitation, too. If not, just yours.
You are invited!
to a co-ed wedding shower for Erica Jones and Jim Michaels
October 20, 2010 at 11am
at 1815 4th street, Lisbon, KS 48494
Dress is casual, luncheon and dessert will be served
Hosted by Jessica Smith phone number here.
RSVP by October 13th is requested.
Please bring one heirloom recipe on a 3×5 card, to be made into a recipe book for Erica and Jim
You do not have to mention the parents at all, even that the shower is being given at their home. And if Mom and Dad want to contribute in a small way to the shower, I don’t see why not. Just as long as you are the host, your name is on the invites, and the RSVPs go to you, and you are putting out the most money. They could get out the family china to use, or Grandma’s silver tea service, or perhaps purchase the cake or the game prizes.
of coursr, you should do it, then they will be happy
it depends on individual
You are the host of the shower, the bride’s parent’s house is the venue.
Daisy Jone’s Shower
Hosted by you and/or the bridal party
Location – The home of Suzy Jones
1313 Mockingbird Lane, Anytown, USA
I agree with you that it is a major faux pa for the parents to be hosting the bridal shower…and even if they’re "asking" you to host it, the fact that it’s being held at their home sure sounds a lot like they’re hosting it. You’re right, that is rude.
HOWEVER, you are totally off the hook here. You aren’t in control in this situation because it isn’t your wedding; all that you can do is try to be polite when it is your turn to get married and to do the right things with your own wedding and the rest of your own life.
Which brings me to the conclusion: Ask the bride and/or her mother how they would like the invitations worded. They’re already running this show; just let them finish it
Now, you have to pull this off without acting sarcastic or continuing to mention their faux pa. You already told them/reminded them about the faux pa, and they chose to ignore/argue that. Now it would be more rude for you to keep bringing it up. So just ask them, innocently, what they would like to say on the invitations and if they’d like their names on it as the host.
The good thing is, I’ve found that in life there is so much that we can do to work on our own selves, that it really isn’t necessary to invest too much energy into what other people are doing. The only people we can change are ourselves anyways.
Good luck!
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