My mom is dying and I am trying to plan my wedding with the hopes that she will still be here for it. My mom also really wants the same thing. My sister, who is a maid of honor is fighting me on everything, ultimately because she is jealous that I will have our mom at my wedding and she wont. How can I make the wedding planning special for her so she stops ruining the big day for everyone?
Tell your sister that you know why she is so upset over your wedding. Really try to empathize with her. Then do let her know that the best parting gift both of you could give to your mother is to get along famously for the duration of the planning and the wedding. Your mother definitely won’t enjoy her last days knowing you two fought like cats over every little thing. However, both of you will be giving her a great gift by going through with the wedding as friends and sisters.
I’m sure your mother feels just as bad that she won’t be there for your sister’s wedding, whenever that may be. I think both of them should have a talk about that and maybe that will help your sister overcome her understandable feelings.
Ask your mother to videotape something that can be played later when it comes time for your sister to get married.
You dont mention what she is fighting you about. Do you think she is the kind of person who would fight even if your mother were not dying? I think the wedding is about the bride and the groom and that is whom you need to be concentrating on. Frankly if I were the groom I would feel left out. Perhaps you should postpone the wedding to a time when it will not be about your mothers condition? I am very sorry you are losing her.
try asking your sister to have a private talk with your mother to ask her (your mother) what she would like to see as part of your wedding day. tell your sister that you don’t think your mother would be as open with you as she might be with her, because it is your wedding and you feel she is holding back a little because she wants you to have things the way you want them, but that you really would like to know what your mother’s vision for your wedding might be and think that your sister can get it out of her better than you can.
you might also ask your sister to ask your mother if there is some way to somehow incorporate her wishes for your sister in your wedding day. perhaps a special song or prayer or verse or poem your mother would have liked to have been able to see included in your sister’s wedding which you can include in yours. or maybe your can work out something like having your sister and your mother walk you down the aisle together so that the three of you are together for that one last time. or maybe something like having your mother write or say a special blessing over both of you during the ceremony before you turn to your groom.
or perhaps a candle lighting ceremony where your mother can light a candle and uses it to light one which your groom is holding and then he lights yours with his and then you turn and light your sisters and each of you place your candles in a holder. have a special song like "may the circle be unbroken" playing.
just sit down with your sister and ask her to help you work out some special things you can all do to make this moment memorable for all of you, perhaps something which she can reinact when it comes time for her wedding.
have her do thing with your mom.
send them both ( without you) to pick a cake..
get them to do something together
Shut her out of the planning so that you can plan without her disruptions. (Make sure your fiance helps with the planning so it’s not all you on your own). It’s not about her. It’s not your job to make *your* wedding day special for *her*. It is already special for her because she is MOH. You could do a short speech in which you thank her I guess. (I did that for my bridesmaids, including my sister).
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